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Practical Tips To Help Grieving Teens |
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| The death of a child is so traumatic that even trained counselors frequently don't know what to say or do. Many youth pastors desperately reach out for help through Group Forum, which I participate in. Because my daughter was killed on a church youth group outing when she was fourteen I can tell you the things that helped my family from first hand experience. However, I am not a trained professional. My knowledge of helping the kids in the youth group is limited to personal experience. | |||
They will need to talk about it: You must boldly enter into their grief with them. You might be terrified that you'll say the wrong thing, and you might, but, blubbering and crying is never wrong. Listen and cry. Be slow to offer any answers at first. Ask the questions with them. Come before God with your questions, disbelief, and even anger in prayer. Acknowledge their pain: Even if the kids were only mildly aquatinted they will feel like this was their best friend and it's happening mostly to them. This may be the first time death has struck close to home. Let them dive into their feelings but keep an eye out for them taking this too far. If needed, you might have to gently apply a dose of reality to shake them out of it. |
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Do a Memorial Service just with the group: Turning their grief into concrete actions is a good step to take. The kids in my daughters youth group attached a helium balloon to the seat she usually sat in at church during our memorial service. This was their way of signifying her place in the group and the lose they felt. They also did a balloon release. The balloons carried their thoughts, Bible verses, and good byes on little stickers. During their next several mid-week meetings they made a plaque and a giant poster that hung in the youth garage for many years. They needed to talk to us: The kids wrote their favorite memories of Catherine, assembled copies of any photographs they had of her and presented them to us. One teen clung to me and cried on my shoulder until my shirt was soaked. They also needed to tell us their story (or involvement with our daughter, their relationship with her), and know that we valued them. Kids will feel guilty even if they aren't even remotely connected to the event. They may have spoken a bad word, gossiped, or taken the other side in an argument long ago. Some needed to know that we did not hold anything against them. They needed to hear us forgive them. |
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A Survival Guide to Working with Students in Pain This book provides a wide range of appropriate interventions and fundamental people-helping skills |
Answering the tough questions: Kids will need to have answers to the deep questions that the death of someone close brings up. What Happens When You Die? , "Why do bad things happen to good people?", “Doesn’t God love me?”, “Am I being punished?”, “Can’t God protect me from evil?”, “If He can, why didn’t He?”, Is God responsible for evil?”, "Can a person who commits suicide go to heaven?" Kids will ask you these loaded questions. If you give them the same old rote answers they will turn you off and mistrust whatever you're teaching. If, on the other hand, you prepare a detailed, Biblically supported answer, weather it's a tough answer or not, they will grow to trust you and appreciate your lessons.The point is to tell the kids the truth. |
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